the time.

i guess this is my time. this is where sacrifices must be made. risk must be taken. all hard work put to test to see if its worth it. determination, dedication, discipline will show. this is it. this is my time to move on. leaving behind alot of stuffs, alot of sacrifices to be made. i guess its tough, but someone has to do it.

and this time, its my turn.

day one.

first day has been good. hopefully, the second will be better :) here to show what im capable of, and i hope its enough. i work hard all this while, and i hope all of it will pay off.

one day.

you dont know me.

you dont know anything about me.

you dont know what im made of or just how much im capable of.

you dont know where i've come from nor where im heading to.

you know nothing of my highs or my lows.

you dont know how fast i am, how strong i am, how resilient i am.

you dont know how much im willing to sacrifice to achieve goals.

you dont know how hard i worked.

you havent got a clue what i eat or what fragrance i wear.

you dont even know my name.

but one day,

you will.

second chance.

lost the game. but there's always something to look at in every lost. well, life gave me a second chance. this time im going to grab it with every chance i get. gonna work hard, gonna show them that i can do it. this is it.

its good to know people show appreciation in your hard work. gonna do my best now :)

dream.

i want to be playing for my national team in bukit jalil. infront of thousands of screaming fans. that would be my dream. every night i pray and pray that God will make the dream come true. i've train hard, never been training this hard in my life. doing all i can, to make this dream come true.

when will i be wearing my national colours again? i wonder :/

ugly.

some people are just born good looking. and some are not. i guess i fall under the second category. its hard not to be insecure by how i look, the clothes i wear, the words i speak. i guess thats just the challenge in my life that i'll never ever win.

reality.

wow. reality is starting to sink in. i thought i was going to make it, but my name wasnt called. im still shocked. i still cant believe any of this. i think i performed well through out these 3 days. i gave my all, more than 100%. yet i didnt get selected? fuck this shit. where did i go wrong? what did i do wrong? i did whatever a player needs to do. i was the first for the fitness test, performed a fairly good game, but didnt get? why? is it cause im chinese? my skin color is different than yours? im disappointed. sorry to whoever i've let down. my family, coach and girlf. im sorry for not making it.

fucking disappointed.